Taking Responsibility for our Harmful Behavior Part One We will face many difficult tasks in the process of recovery. Life is difficult. This is the baseline from which all else follows. When we accept life for what it is, we give up fighting. We surrender and accept the extent and severity of our [...]

The Tit-for-Tat Mentality Part Two Let’s explore the psychology underlying the difficulty of personal responsibility for alcoholics and addicts. Most alcoholics and addicts have developed extensive psychological mechanisms to avoid and deflect taking personal responsibility. One tried-and-true approach is the tit-for-tat mentality. The tit-for-tat mentality is typical with couples in the early stages of [...]

The Houdini Maneuver Part Three Another powerful way addicts avoid taking responsibility for unhealthy behavior is what I call the Houdini maneuver. While the tit-for-tat mentality justifies hurtful behavior because “You made me treat you this way because of how you behaved,” the Houdini approach is more sophisticated. This technique is designed to create [...]

Facing Our Shame Part Four Now that we are aware of some of the ways we avoid personal responsibility, I want to spend the remainder of this chapter discussing what it means to truly make amends to our partner or our family. When we finally face the reality of how we have behaved, we [...]